Riding the red-eye train

One of my happiest memories is of performing this song with Brigid for a bar full of people, and also, for her mom.

so-far-untitled (“The Euphemism Express” ? )
Words and music by J. Reid, I. Scrimger, B. Wilkinson. © 2003

1.
Hey Mister Conductor, let me ride your train
Hey Mister Conductor, let me ride your train
oh, that big ol’ train, is the only thing keeping me sane

2.
I was at the station, waiting for you to come
I was at the station, waiting for you to come
And boy when you came, you could not be outdone

3.
Mr. Conductor move up the mountains slow
This old train will climb up the mountains slow
and then we’ll race down, down to the valley below

Bridge:
(tempo increases and false ending)

Spoken: “Hey, We’re not there yet, keep going!”

4.
C’mon, Mister Conductor, stoke that engine’s fire
C’mon, Mister Conductor, stoke that engine’s fire
The way you use that wood is something I really admire

There is some confusion over this verse, Brigid suggests that it was just verse 1, with some ad-libbed embellishments, while I remember something akin to:

5.
Rode that train all through the night ??!?
I Rode that train all through the night
something something something* into the morning light

*obviously the correct words would go here.

We do, however, agree on the ending:

(tempo increases until a, uh, climatic ending is reached)

3 Responses to “Riding the red-eye train”

  1. I. Scrimger Says:

    Not since Bessie Smith sang “I need a little hotdog between my rolls” has a woman sung so many entendres that were so singular.

  2. Desi Says:

    This is brilliant! I lose.

  3. Desi Says:

    Also, your “If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, walks like a duck…”box thing doesn’t accept Emilio Estevez.